My family and I went to eat at IHOP today. I woke up feeling tired and the thought of slaving away in the kitchen to make breakfast was more then I could take. I rounded up everyone into the minivan and we headed out on the town. When we got there, we were put on a waiting list. It seems I was not the only person that felt that cooking on the weekend was a crazy idea. After a short wait we were seated. The food was wonderful and the coffee was welcomed. It was only ten minutes or so after we left that I felt a terrible rumble and an eruption of odd sounds in my stomach. The coffee had kicked in.
What an awful feeling! Caught in traffic at a light that only let two cars through at a time knowing all the while that you were holding in something that could embarrass you and mortify your family, not to mention stain your cloth car seats. Well...lucky me Burger King was just around the corner and I only had to endure the wait of one street light. Finally, we pulled into the parking lot and I hopped off, slowly clenching my...hopes...and made it to the restroom at the back of the restaurant.
As I sat there, thanking that wonderful being of creation for making public restrooms, I realized that I was not alone. Now this is not uncommon. Usually you are NOT alone in a public restroom. But I didn't realize there was another person in the room as I was preoccupied with my pressing issue. It was only after I started hearing "odd" noises that I realized I was not alone.
When I say "odd" noises, obviously the sounds that comes to mind are the ones associated with the restroom but this was a different kind of noise. One, I can honestly say, I have NEVER heard in a public restroom. This person was moaning. Not the "oh my god I should never had eaten that" type of moan but a "well hello sailor" type of moan. It was pleasurable. Here I am trying to evacuate and this person's itch was something that should be kept at home or in a cheap rented hotel room.
As I listened, because I wasn't finished not because I wanted to hear more, I thought that I might have heard wrong and that it was just the pipes or drains making these misleading sounds. I was wrong. This person did not only moan (and louder I might add) but started whispering "yea, yea, yea" I was half hoping that she just was happy to have found a restroom in her time of need. When the whispers got louder and the wordy appreciation of pleasure got more graphic, I took that opportunity to finish my business and leave this person in blissful isolation.
I walked out of the restroom feeling relieved and embarrassed at the same time. I had busted in on someones private moment with my bullish digestive issues and was subjected to listening to her continue self stimulation. Of course I didn't check under the stalls to confirm it was a solo flight or was she with a partner.
Ewww. What an awful thought. I might have made this restroom rendezvous a menage a trois. Would you like a O with your fries?
Until next time...
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