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Love and Death. A Valentine's Day journal entry

Before I start this blog I have to say Happy Valentine's day to everyone out there. It is a very special day to many women I know (myself included) and I hope that everyone out there got what they wanted...love. I know that there are many holidays in the year and that there are many special days to different people but for me Valentine's day is the holiday I hold dearest to my heart. Yes, even more than Halloween or my birthday...scary.

Today I had a wonderful and thoughtful day. First, I woke to the wonderful smell of coffee. When I went down stairs I saw the enormous "Happy Valentine's Day" balloon and pink roses my husband bought me. I love pink roses they are my favorite.  He also got me a huge box of chocolates in a beautiful red heart container. Yum. We got the kids ready and sent them off to school to spend the rest of the day together. We made our way to the local IHOP (International House of Pancakes) for some breakfast. Now as my five readers know I have been on this new Paleo Lifestyle and so I eat very specific foods. Today I took the day off of the Paleo and have allowed myself to eat what I wanted. So at IHOP I had the strawberry and banana crapes with a couple of eggs and hash browns...awesome!

Then we went to see the movie Beautiful Creatures. Sorry no spoiler alerts here. All I will say is that it was a great movie and highly recommend it. Walking out of the theater was crazy cold. It was snowing pretty hard and the wind had really picked up. It was almost a white out coming home but the car was warm and my hubby was driving and I felt safe. I won't bore you with the rest of the day's romantic surprises, let's just say I had a great afternoon (delight).

Now, towards the end of the day, as it was getting dark, I was reminded by my father that I had an event to attend. No, it had nothing to do with Valentine's day. Earlier this week an ex-neighbor and friend dropped by the house and announced that her father, who was my father's friend, had passed. It seems that there is some speculation about the cause of his passing but it was not anything suspicious. His viewing/visitation was tonight. Of all days to have a viewing, February 14th was chosen for this event.

I changed my blouse and my mood before getting into the car and driving to the funeral home. As we drove my father and I spoke of deep subjects like life and the after life. For me, I do not fear death nor do I welcome it. I had no choice coming into this world and I have no choice about leaving it one day. I  only hope that when I die I am able to keep my memories. That's what matters to me. In the end I won't care that I drove a specific kind of car or that I owned expensive jewelry. I want to remember that I was in love with my husband. I want to remember the color of his eyes and the way he made me feel when he opened the door coming home. The way he smiled at me. I want to remember the first time I heard my daughter tell me she loved me or when my son told me that I was beautiful. I want to remember my life. It would be ashamed to lose my memories, when I get old that's all I'll have.

When we got to the funeral home, the corridor was sprinkled with people talking. As my father and I made our way into the viewing room, there was significantly more people. I felt awkward and out of place but we were there to pay our respects so I put aside my feelings and followed my father through the crowd of strangers that turned to see us as we passed. The room was a medium size with seven pews on each side. More than half the room was filled. The high ceilings and light placement was spectacular. The main center wall was all white stone devoid of any religious artifacts usually seen at viewings. The open casket, in the middle of the raised platform, had a flag over the bottom half. The man that passed was a Marine and at 62 years old and a Vietnam Veteran he earned the right to that flag.  There were different colored flowers all round and satin banners of condolences written in gold lettering.

We finally found my ex-neighbor and she graciously greeted us and introduced us to her family. There were at least 50 people there. Friends and family that had come from all around to pay their respects to the dearly departed. I made my way to the casket and kept a respectable distance from it. This man that I had only met a few times (and was closer to my father than to me) was lying in that casket, dead. I stared at him. The last time I saw him he was full of life and laughter. He was a kind person. Always cheerful and always smiling. Even though I didn't know him very well, it was strange to see him or his body lifeless on display. He simply looked like he was asleep. I half expected him to open his eyes and smile at me but he didn't. He was dead.

We stayed for a short time talking to family members about how we met him and what a wonderful person he was. I looked around at the many pictures they had of him on display. Pictures of him in his Marine uniform and pictures of him after the war. He was very handsome. After a decent amount of time had passed we said our good-byes and left. The car ride home was silent. Only the sound of the windshield wipers fending off the blowing snow could be heard. I suspect my father, who is a bit older than the man who had passed, was thinking of his own mortality. I was thinking of mine. We got home and my husband greeted me at the door with big smile and kiss. I saw my children playing Wii and laughing. I could smell the fresh roses and the faint linger of half eaten chocolates from the open candy box. My dog was asleep and the cat was meowing for more food. Time seemed to stand still for a second and I looked around taking it all in. I wanted to remember everything. I hope I do, when the times comes.

Until next time...






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