Today I had to go to the Springs and found that the red corvette's, the killer Bimmers and the awesome Ford Mustang's were not the vehicles to look out for when driving. It was the minivan drivers that had the worst driving habits. Those soccer mom's from the burbs and frustrated father's that couldn't have that cool sports car cause they knocked up their wives so many times they could create their own baseball team were the ones that were weaving in and out of traffic like they were trying to make a basket. Speeding down the highway at 85 miles an hour I was left behind like I was standing still by a minimum of four minivans. Now, I drive a minivan and they must have thought, as they were crawling up my ass like a hemorrhoid, that I was one of "their" kind. Instead I moved to the next lane and let them pass. I figured that they could clear out all the cops ahead of me.
There was one minivan in particular that definitely took the crazy cake. This white Ford minivan came up behind me and rode me like Seabiscuit. I tried to move to another lane but this ditsy driver followed me over. I sped up just a little but it wasn't enough for the NASCAR wanna be. I moved over again to the third lane, this seemed to work. As the van sped past me, I turned to see who my nemesis was. It was a woman that looked to be in her early 40's yakking on the phone and attempting to put on mascara at the same time!
I was disgusted!!!!!
Aauugghh!!! This makeup menace makes all women drivers look bad. Driving down the highway like a Cruella DeVille and trying to cover that weather beatin' bag on her face was just the icing on my cake for the days drama. I made it to my destination alive and ready to kiss the parking lot stripes in thanks that the Goddess in her infinite wisdom did not take me to that big shopping mall in the sky. By the time I made it home I was ready to relinquish my driver's license and just work from home instead of risking a heinous death on the highway!
Until next time...
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