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Hurry up, wait and get hormonal

Here lately I feel like I am marking time. Standing still just waiting for my life to hurry up and start. I know that is the worst way to view my situation but it's what I feel. I start my real estate classes in the middle of next month and until that time I am just waiting. I know that I should be using my time wisely and getting all the stuff done that I need to do before I get too busy and that's why I have been exercising. I am, again, trying to lose weight and get healthy after my bout of flu. I have been working out and trying to get more movement into my day but I am having a problem with my sweet tooth. It seems that every time I eat "clean" (organic) I end up having this terrible sweet tooth. Then when I indulge in sweets, I get sick. I feel strange. My eyes feel like there is air being blown in them and I feel a definite mood change. What the hell? I feel sometimes like I am falling apart. I am looking forward to May when I see a doctor that specializes in hormones. 

Until then I try to limit my sweet intake. I have been using Agave instead of honey and organic cane sugar instead of the white bleached kind. Either way I am still taking in too many sweets causing me to feel tired and need more sleep then I actually should be getting. I used to be full of life and energy now I have to harness the energy. I have to keep it by eating clean. Any little misstep in my diet and I feel it. Is this normal? Am I the only one that has ever felt this way? 

Since I do not know any older women I don't have any point of reference for getting older. Perhaps they could clue me in on my issues...I know reading Sexy Forever by Suzanne Somers had helped but there is nothing like being able to talk to someone in person. This is life's lesson regarding our elders. In today's culture, we value the young and their youthful ways but forget about our elders. Perhaps we are too scared to spend time with them knowing we will get there soon. Is getting old really that bad? As a society are we really that frightened of old age that we shun it away in a dark and lonely convalescent home and hope it just goes way? I get like this when I eat too much sugar, sorry. I have decided to go back to my first love...Isagenix. This should put me back on track and I can eat clean with it too. I had to just throw that in there. 

I just get these strange thoughts in my head sometimes. Now I know some of you out there are wondering why I just don't get a job. Well, I thought about it really. It's not that I don't want to work it is just hard for me to find job that I can stay with that has the flexibility that I need. My son is Autistic and ever since he was born, my career has suffered for his needs. Now that he is getting older I can go out and do something but I still need to be very flexible in my schedule...hence the real estate career. I have talked to many real estate agents and they tell me that they all started out loving this career because of the freedom and flexibility they have with it. I am looking forward to that. Sometimes I feel old and useless. I need to work and feel alive and needed again. I can understand how people that retire can get restless and feel useless. Hell I'm not even 40 yet and I feel that way. When the highlight of your day is separating the darks from the lights you know you need to get a life. I know I shouldn't complain but hell this is my bytch blog right? : ) Ok, enough of the B&C.

Until next time...
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