My Bytch Blog

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On my last blog I asked for input regarding what to write about so that I can please or at least interest the masses. The response have been staggering. NONE...well except the one from Facebook... you know who you are Big D. So, I guess I am simply talking to myself with a few stop-on-by blog enthusiasts who read me now and then. I will continue what I have done this entire time and that is please myself with my writing. That seems to work, well for me anyway.   I am a writer not only of this blog but of books. I have finished my second poetry book Veneficus and got my proof copy yesterday. I am so excited. It looks great and I have hardly any changes to be made which means that I will be able to have it available for sale in the near future. Of course I shared the book with my sister who was here this weekend visiting. She laughed because there is a poem that was inspired by her from one of her many visits. It seems my sister did something to her feet awhile back and caused h...

It has only been a week since I have moved into the new house and already I am laid up sick. This is great just when I need to be healthy and movable. But my symptoms are strange. It all started the day after last. I started getting tired...now I know that doesn't sound like much but it is strange when you get so tired you literally pass out. That's right, I didn't go to sleep or lay down and rest; I passed out. I have never done that and as if that wasn't enough I feel strange. I feel weak and just drained and then I am having bad back pain and my teeth hurt. It is odd. I am not sure what to do. I went to the doctor and she thinks I have a sinus infection but she also took some blood because I also came up with high blood pressure. Boy when I get sick I do it right.   I thought I was doing better but now the symptoms are coming back again. Now I get chest pains too...whoot! Joy. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think I am having a heart attack, well at least I h...

Well, now that I am settled enough to have a desk and my computer connected, I wanna take this opportunity to say that I meet a neighbor the first day that we were moving in, and well...judge for yourself. The story goes like this: Friday we moved in some boxes but I wanted to make sure the house was clean before we had the movers come on Saturday so I spend the better half of the day, cleaning the kitchen, doing floors and windows. I was dirty and smelled well...you know. Anywho, I was getting my vacuum cleaner out of the trunk of my car when a silver hatch back stopped and even backed up in front of me. I thought it was awesome that someone was already introducing themselves to me as my new neighbor and how friendly these people were; I should have reserved my thinking. It was a middle aged woman, a little older than me, white of course, and she started the conversation out like this: Neighbor : "Oh good I just caught you finishing a job...

The other day I had a dream where I was high up in the mountains and close to the treelines. I woke up feeling like I needed to get out and get into the mountains. I don't know what possesed me to but I looked up the highest city in Colorado and came up with Leadville. At 10,200 ft above sea level I felt that I could do no better. So I packed up the family and we took the three hour trip into the mountains. It was AWESOME! The air was crisp and clean and the day was beautiful. When we got there I found out that they were having a festival. It was Boom Days in Leadville. How fun, we had no idea. I did look up Leadville but on Wikipedia not their office website. Of course, had I looked it up on their website I would have known about the festivites. There were streets blocked off and lots of tents full of neat things. There were bath salts, jewelery, hat, purses, games, toys, signs and of course lots and lots of food.  Having said that, some of the food they were selli...

I went to the new house yesterday to see all the updates and fixes that are supposedly being done. I found that I could not tell if anything had been done from the inside but the things that needed to be fixed on the outside of the house are still pending. So I went around to the back of the house to check on the the progress there. I found the back door ajar. This pissed me off! This is the third time I've gone to the house and it's open/unlocked. Of course, with me just days away from owning the house, I felt it was OK to go inside and make sure everything was in order. The house is empty and has been going on five months. It echoes when I clear my throat because there is nothing to absorb the sound. It's eerily quiet and still. I checked room to room starting in the basement and working my way up to the master bedroom. Everything seemed OK. Nothing was damaged and some of the work promised had been done. I got to the top of the stairs and felt a cold breeze kiss my exp...

As you all (all five of you I mean) know,  I am selling my house. The deal is all but signed and the last check mark to be made are some minor repairs I need to make. So as a good girl I picked a contractor that my insurance company recommended thinking that I couldn't go wrong with the person. I am terribly disappointed. I have been going back and forth with this company for days, almost a week now, and I have gotten to the point to where I have called other contractors. Now, here's the snag...I signed this contractor's proposal to do the work but have had not further contact with him or his company to set up a time to get the work done. I am under a tight (and getting tighter) deadline. I am worried. Then yesterday we did some yard work and I think that I over extended my abilities to do manual labor. I got sick. I was weak, exhausted, in pain and had a killer headache and to add to the fun my stomach started to run a muck. I was burping, I was gassy and all kinds of ...

Ok, I'm sure my five readers have been wondering where the hell I've been. Well it has been a crazy summer. My family and I just got back from Florida vacationing at Walt Disney World and Universal Studios. We were there for seven days and I can honestly say that we were crazy for doing it. That vacation was about three days too long. Don't get me wrong it was an awesome trip but after awhile your sunburned skin and empty wallet just start to hurt and all you want to do is go home and curl up in a ball on your own bed. We decided it was better to do Disney one day and Universal the next for the whole trip. Day 1 Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom. It was unbelievable. We arrived early in the morning and parked in the furthest parking lot they had. We took a tram to the dock where we took a ferry to the island. It was hot already that morning and I was sweating before we even got into the Magic Kingdom. Once we got there we went to bag check. I can honestly say I am not sur...

OK so I have some updates to my crazy life if anyone in the world cares to know: Today marks the 3rd week my house has been on the market. In 14 days we've had 7 showings. Not bad. Of course, not great either since we are still not under contract. Anyone want to buy a house in Colorado...shoot me an e-mail : ) We are finally under contract with the house of my dreams. Absolutely love it! It has everything I want. Of course the previous owners were, well let's say, less than vigilant on the maintenance of this house. SO, I do have somethings I need to fix and change but overall, I'm pretty excited. In the middle of all this fun frenzy, we are scheduled to go to Disney World and Universal in Florida in July; and although I am looking forward to the vacation, I am still nervous about the house issue. I had my mammogram and it came back that I do not have cancer! YEAH! My whole family took a collective sigh of relief. I am still trying to beat my August deadline on my new b...

Here's where I am in my boring life. Remember that boob strain I got? Well, I went to the doctor's just to make sure it was nothing. Now I'm not sure. The doctor now wants me to get a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. Now I'm officially freaked out. The doctor wants to make sure that everything is ok. I am scared. I know women younger than me that have had breast cancer. I really don't want to go crazy about this until there IS something to freak about but of course I can't help but worry. Then I have this whole house issue. I found a house I want and put in an offer. Now they have countered with a ridiculous amount of money and earnest provision. Also, we have had 4 showings in 5 days and don't get me wrong I'm not bytching about that but I do have to pack the kids and the dogs, all three, in the car and get the hell out of Dodge. I am exhausted from worry. Worry about my health, worry about the house. It's just one long worry and I think I am ...

OK, so everyone knows I'm moving. This experience has made me feel so old. I have been packing and cleaning and staging and everything else to get the house ready to sell and I feel it everywhere. I have aches and pains where I never had before, where no one should ever have pain. When my husband and I first got married we moved almost every year for the first seven years and I had no problems with it. But now, we have been in the same house for seven years and I cannot believe how much crap I have and to top it off I think I broke my boob. Yes! You heard correctly. I think I strained my right boob. Every time I bend down to get something it hurts so bad. I even cup it on the way to get a bra...how sad is that?!? Of course I would be mortified if I knew half of the people that read this blog. Lucky for me most of you are in Sweden and Russia. Anywho..I have finally found the house of my dreams but it does need a little work. I don't mind really. This is suppos...

I have this person who I have “friended” on Facebook. Before I get too deep into my bytch session, I am sure I am not the only one in the world that has had this issue but I am perplexed at why it even happens. I digress. This person was, I thought, my friend. At the very least I would classify this person as a well-known acquaintance. It seems that we are friendly on Facebook but in “real life” I’m not even acknowledged. Here’s what’s going on. I found myself in a social situation the other day and this person was there. I didn’t run over and talk to this person as I was busy at first but then I realized that this person saw me and purposefully did not seem to want to talk to me. I was confused and yes, my feelings were hurt. I don’t think that I have done anything to offend this person so why did this person feel it necessary to treat me this way? By the way, this is NOT the first time this has happened. This is actually the second. I let the first incident go because I thought it ...

Well, it's official. We have decided to torture and exhaust ourselves to no end. Yes, we are moving. We are in the process of packing all of our things and getting the hell out of Dodge. Well, not really. We don't even want to leave the area we live in, just the house. You know you have buyers remorse when you're crying at the closing. Well, that's what I did. From the beginning I hated this house. It had nothing I wanted, even if I compromised. Now, I find that I am scared of leaving my six year prison palace and walking out into the world into something new and wanted. It also brings to light that I have a lot of crap. It's amazing how much stuff you can accumulate over the years. Pictures of friends and family, memories of happy times, that thong you don't quite remember purchasing...what I am trying to say is that I realize that I have too much stuff. So I have decided to pair down. I am getting rid of the old and not buying anything new. For those of you ...

As my four readers know, life is change. We change as we get older. We change when we get out of school. We change into adults...well some change into adults others just get bigger but stay kids mentally. Anyway, life is change. As for me, my life is changing again. It seems that I have happily skipped down a path that I didn't intend to and ran into a road block. So now I have to find another path do go down. I am being vague for a reason. I am moving on to another adventure and am looking forward to seeing what windows of opportunities are out there. They, whoever "they" are, say that life never closes a door without opening a window. Of course, if I can't find a window open I'll just kick one open. For those of you who know what my husband bought me for my anniversary, I will be riding in style down my new path. It does make me wonder. Life can be unexpected and joyous, then it could be down right mean and kick you in the face when you're smiling. Either...

It wasn't that long ago that I read an article that American's were becoming ruder. It was scary to read this article because it was true. Everything that they mentioned in the article was terribly and embarrassingly enough true. I have already vented about how people don't care about each other, There are no smiles in the aisles at the store, no neighbors that care enough to say "Hi, how are you?", no one bothers to RSVP for parties but they still show, etc. I could go on but I don't want to bytch all night. Well...perhaps a little bytching won't kill me : ) Today, I got another taste of why this article was written. I was at King Sooper looking for some cupcakes for my son's upcoming birthday, when this old fart just darted out in front of my basket nearly hitting me. I stopped, stunned at the fact that I was blindsided by a senior sack of s#*t and watched him just keep walking without a care in the world. I loudly said "You're excused...

I know that I haven't been able to WOW the five readers I have lately but I have been super busy. I also got a new car. Now this is where my bytching will begin. My husband bought me a new C300 Mercedes Benz for our up coming anniversary and I just love it. It's what I've always wanted but I have noticed so not so nice things going on since I've gotten the car. You know the old saying "Never judge a book by it's cover" well I feel that happening a lot lately. My neighbors are being extra rude and snobby, I've had people I don't even know give me dirty looks (nope it's not my driving...I am a safe and awesome driver), I've had friends give me the cold shoulder when they see my car, what gives people?!? I know you might see someone driving down the street in a Mercedes or BMW or whatever car you feel is over the top or expensive but you don't know their story. My story is really down to earth. My husband and I have had our share...

Last night I had a very wet dream. Yes, I will tell the tale. From about 7 last night I felt an odd feeling in my room. I can hardly find words to explain the sensation that it evoked. It almost felt like I was not alone in the room but in reality I really WASN'T alone in the room, my husband was with me. Anywho...I was working on my book when my husband drifted off to sleep next to me. I was getting wrapped up in Facebook and other social media when I heard heavy breathing. Now those three or four loyal followers probably know where this is going. For those of you who don't read the blog very often...you will just have to find out. Moving on. I checked to see if the heavy breathing was coming from my husband but he was surprisingly quiet. I heard the breathing move away from me into my closet. So I decided to get up and follow the sound. Now this makes me sound like I am pretty fearless, I'm not. Stupidly curious, yes. Fearless, no. It was with much reluctance that I did...

Ok I haven't really bytched on my blog even though it’s called My Bytch Blog. So now I will bytch. It never ceases to amaze me how little people want to do but how much they expect or want. I belong to an organization that is for pure fun...but not for the person organizing it. She has had a lot on her plate for a long time now and no one has stepped up to help. I have offered now that I know what is going on. People, in general, don't really want to put in much effort to anything anymore even if it is something that they are interested in. I am not a native to the state I live in so I can say this viewing the situation from an outside perspective. People in the state that I live in don't care about anything. They have been Californicated. Yes I said it. I am not fond of California people (with few exceptions) because of their too laid back, don't care, not my problem attitude. Unfortunately, Colorado has had a large infusion of California people and their attitud...

I have been writing my book and am getting to that point where I need a little inspiration. So I started watching Hauntings on the History channel and saw some unsettling points of view. I am a firm believer in ghosts and I am saddened and angered by those who do not believe. Not everyone HAS to believe what I think or what other people think about ghosts but have some respect for their opinion. Don't just call them crazy or say that they don't think they know what they saw. I was so disturbed I changed the channel and started watching Medium. So after a good solid hour I felt better and got the inspiration I needed. I started writing again. Then I realized what direction my writing went and had to laugh. Since its snowing out I knew I was going to need a lot more input to put my mind in the right frame of mind so I sought the help of my Wii. I spent an hour killing zombies in my Resident Evil game and started writing again. As a writer trying to become known this is the horr...

So I have claimed to be disciplined at least Monday-Thursday and have now realized that I cannot watch T.V. while I am "attempting" to lose weight. I have been watching Being Human on SyFy and every freakin' five minutes there's some damn commercial about food. If its not five dollar footlongs from Subway, its 2 for $20 at Applebee's or some random candy commercial that makes my mouth water. What a hypocrisy we live in. America wants to be healthy but we kill ourselves with fast food. The worst part is that there are all of these commercials that have Jennifer Hudson singing and promoting Weight Watchers or Janet Jackson toting Nutrisystem (which both are not only awesome entertainers but gorgeous women) and then turn around and show a hot, steamy, out of the oven pizza from Pizza Hut. I know that I can't make a case against a fast food restaurant for making me fat but these fast food restaurants sure don't make it easy on my will power.  I will just hav...

Along with all the crazy things that hit me, I have been writing my second book, Veneficus. I am surprised to find the words flowing from my fingertip to the keyboard. It took me years to write the first book and about a year...and a half...to write this one. I am very happy with it. I struggled with the cover and feel that I now have exactly what I want. I have talked to many of my witchy friends and they have been a great inspiration for me. It is always good to have support in any manner. Usually the support I get comes from my hosiery. Ok that was just a joke. On another note, one of my oldest and dearest friend's mother passed away this Tuesday. I did not know her mom but a loss like that leaves a hole in one's heart and lingering reminder to all else that we are mortal. No one wakes up in the morning thinking about death, well no one normal anyway. It is sad part of life that we all will go through one day but don't like to acknowledge until it is brought to our at...

No I didn't spell that wrong I mean wait loss. We all have to wait for something or someone. In my case I am waiting for myself. I am waiting for me to stop being so weak. I really want to lose weight but I am standing in my way. I have all the tools at my disposal, time to exercise, a supportive spouse, Isagenix and yet I have loss next to nothing. Of course I do know why. I am pretty self-disciplined Monday thru Thursday but the minute I wake up on Friday...I party like Prince's 1999.  I go out for Happy Hour with my husband, dinner with my girlfriends, parties with my kids, bowling with my family and all of that includes food. Not salads, low carb snacks and high protein items but junk food. Pizza, hot wings, drinks (at least I drink diet coke with my Crown), cake, nachos...the list goes on and on and I appearently have no will power. Come Sunday I slump in dieter's remorse and scold myself for not sticking to my guns....

At the end of each month I like to see if anyone in the world is actually reading what I have to say or am I just using this blog as a method to get away from all the voices in my head. I was surprised. I happen to be big in Russia and Sweden. Yes, my dear friends in the US do read my blog too but the Swedish beat you this month. So I all my wonderful readers in Russia, I just wanted to say: Спасибо за то, что читать мой blog. Для информации обо мне, сумасшедшем авторе, посещают мой вебсайт в www.jennipherdallas.com . For my Swedish friends: Tack för avläsning min blogg. För information om mig, de galna författaren, besöka min hemsida på  www.jennipherdallas.com Gee I hope I got that right : )  Keep reading I promise to stay crazy! Until next time...

Ok there comes a time when you realize just how fragile communication between two people can really be. I will give you some examples. Yesterday my father and I went to Walmart. In the parking lot, as I was unbuckling my seatbelt, he turned to me and asked "What are we going in with?"  I was confused. I didn't know what he was talking about, I looked at him hoping to find some glimpse of what he was talking about in his face or his eyes. Nothing. After exhausting all hope for figuring out what the hell he was talking about I said "Our dignity?" My father's face just contorted and then he busted out laughing. We both laughed.  He looked at me like I was crazy...and well...I am. My second example of miscommunication was with my sister. She called me up today talking a hundred miles an hour about everything under the sun. You know those days when your thoughts are arranged correctly but your mouth just can't keep up with you. Well she was having one of tho...

With Imbolc fast approaching I started looking at what I resolved to do and what I have actually done. I resolved to be more balanced...first in my budget. Which, if you are one of my rabid readers, you know I didn't accomplish. I didn't over spend but I spent more then I had intended. Then I turned my sights to myself. I resolved to be more balanced in my food intake and balanced in my exercise. Well, I have tried, not too terribly hard but I have tried. My first week I lost 4.4 pounds, my second week (which was last week) was a wash. I didn't lose any weight. Perhaps it was that cheesecake..humm...anyway, I am back on my horse and I will strive to be better this week. If I can lose the 2 plus pounds this week, I am only behind 2 pounds. I have calculated how much weight I need to lose per week (two pounds) which is 8 pounds per month in order to get to my goal weight of 140 by June. For those of you who do not need to take their bras off to get to 22...you do the math to ...

Today I saw something that really grossed me out. I was in a public place, I will not say where, but I had to use the restroom....yes, for those of you who read my blog this is another restroom incident. It does make me wonder why most of the strangest things that happen to me happen in and around restrooms. But I digress. So I was in a public place and had to use the restroom. I went in and used it. It was clean and there was ample paper of both kinds. It was when I came out that I saw something completely gross. With the men's restroom across from the women's restroom, This very large man opened the door holding a steaming...hot...plate...of...FOOD! Yes you read me correctly. This man took food, hot food, fresh food into the restroom where people take a dump. Who does that? If this man took food into a public restroom....think of this...what did he do with his plate while he was using it? If he was peeing, yes lets visualize for a minute, did he hold the plate in one hand a...

For the past two nights my son has spontaneously broken out in tears right at bedtime. At first I thought he was just a kid that didn't want to go to bed, but when I asked him what was wrong he said he missed me. I was puzzled. Missed me? Wasn't I right there? Hadn't I spent all day with him? I asked him what he meant by "I miss you." For those who don't know, my son is autistic and he can't express himself sometimes. So he just kept telling me over and over he missed me and begged me, pleaded with me to be home when he got home. He really confused me. At first I told him to just go to sleep and get some rest and that I would always be there. But after I went bed, this made me worry. I come from a "gifted" family and I wondered if what he was doing was real or fake. I let it go the first night. But then last night he did it again. My heart was heavy, worried, wondering if I should let this get to me or not.  I started thinking, what if he ...